a new addiction

one saturday morning, about a month ago, a miracle happened. i woke up and didn't want to throw up. which was perfect timing; that evening we were scheduled to go to quatman's (i guess officially named quatman cafe) for brian's birthday.

we've been wanting to hit up quatman's for some time, since the debate still rages about who has the best burger in cincinnati. we love terry's turf club and were anxious to see if quatman's measured up.

the quatman's experience is the polar opposite of terry's. no cramped dining area (although it probably gets pretty tight when all the tables are full), no hour long wait for a table, no bazaar of neon lights (just a miller lite sign and a burger beer pendant lamp over a corner table), no peanut shells on the floor, no foie gras option to top the burger. the only similarities i saw were limited menus and food served up on paper plates.

the first thing brian got excited about was that they have hudy delight AND moerlein on tap. i think that scenario might play heavily into brian's idea of heaven. i was impressed they had caffeine free coke. i'm simple to please. miller lite in a can please. any domestic you would like is available.

now for the main event. we all ordered cheeseburgers (brian ended up ordering a second) and fries. as you can see in the photo, simple presentation with only pickles and onion. bottles of ketchup and mustard are on the table. there is a delicious elegance in the burger's simplicity. i think that's what makes me want to return (and we did, just two weeks later). as much as i like a variety of options sometimes i just need simpe.

i recall that when we wrote about terry's, someone had commented about quatman's no frills burger being superior. i had said at the time i preferred burgers all souped up with sauces and toppings, but now i might be eating my words. cause quatman's burger is damn good, without getting sequins in my eyes.

we've already been back again, when eric's birthday rolled around last weekend. yep and he had two burgers that time. i admit i wanted another, but i'm watching my figure.

terry's is a wild spectacular circus, a bit of the old razzle dazzle, while quatman's is hanging out in the backyard playing cornhole. i've only been to the circus once, but i hang out in backyards almost every weekend. before we wrote this we had exchanged a few emails. it went something like this. i think i am addicted to quatmans. me too. are you free saturday? alright quatmans at 6.

another nice thing about quatmans is that two people can have a pitchers of beer, 2 cans of beer, and 2 burgers and fries and ITS ONLY $25!!!! the norwood paper even has a coupon for $1 off.

the original

it has been quite some time since i have written about my grandparents, so allow me some time to reminisce before i get to the actual food portion of this post.

one of my favorite books begins, "last night i dreamt i went to manderley again...". if i was to write a book, it could very easily begin:

"Last night, I dreamt I went to my grandfather’s drug store again. It seemed to me I stood by the glass topped candy case, and for a while I could not see behind the counter for the way was barred to me. Then, like all dreamers, I was possessed of sudden supernatural powers and passed like a spirit through the store before me. The aisles lined with cards and cold creams lay in front of me, straight and narrow as they had always been. But as I advanced, I was aware that a change had come upon the store. The dream was jumbling my memories, and was twisting the shadows with long tenacious fingers. The shelves were dusty and unfamiliar, the carpet worn. And finally, there was my grandfather – my grandfather - perched on his black leather stool patched with packing tape, smoking his pipe. Time could not mar the perfect recollection of this. Nighttime can play odd tricks upon the fancy, and suddenly it seemed to me that I was a little girl again: eliciting satisfying pops from bubble wrap; sliding m and m's from pill counting trays into vials; running to the butcher to stock his refrigerator with bologna and liverwurst and cheese, dollar bills crumpled in my hand. Abruptly, sleep escaped me and the illusion went with it. I looked upon my dark bedroom, with no whisper of the past about its staring walls. I can never go back to the drug store again. That much is certain. But sometimes, in my dreams, I do go back to the days of my youth before the drug store became Mandalay Bay tanning salon."

the point of all this is next to my grandpa's drug store on rapid run road was/is empress chili. this chili parlor is another piece of my childhood memories. i always had a wiener bun with cheese; these were the days before i subjected myself to cincinnati chili. empress is the original cincinnati chili, founded in 1922. the spices are still mixed according to a secret family recipe.

a few weekends ago we were driving about aimlessly trying to decide on dinner. we happened to pass empress and decided to pull in. for me, it was not without a pang of nostalgia. i had not eaten there since my grandpa retired and the drug store closed in 1992.
similar to every chili parlor on the westside, the walls of empress are bedecked with elder paraphernalia. the tablecloths are vinyl, the flowers are faux. the menu at empress is more extensive than skyline, but less so than price hill chili. as i was absolutely starving, i ordered a chilito and a cheeseburger.

the chilito was pretty typical. i always feel there is too much tortilla and not enough filling. however, the chili was delicious. drier than skyline and more zesty, i think empress may become my new favorite cincinnati chili. although brian disagreed. he still prefers skyline.the burger was so-so, an average patty cooked for the median palate (a 3.5 out of 6 on the burger scale). but look at all those pickles and the wavy husman chips!the stop at empress was a wonderful trip down memory lane, one i will repeat. the chili is great, the ambiance quintessential westside, and the crackers are shur-good. maybe next time we'll stop by after a high school football game. too bad my grandpa isn't around to join us.

johnny rockets

ok, so, i've never really cared for johnny rockets. kind of lackluster and overpriced. but i was meeting some friends at newport for a movie, so we decided to give it a try.

they immediately pissed me off because i tried to order a kid's coke and the server said no. now, i know i am over the age of 10, but i seriously don't drink more than about 4 sips of coke. i am willing to pay a dollar something for those few sips, but not $2.59. and my girlfriends all drink diet, which i think is totally foul, so i can't snake a couple gulps from them. hence, i order a kid's coke. most places oblige. our server helpfully offered to put more ice in the $2.59 coke. i told her i'd have water.

she redeemed herself, though, cause she brought me a kid's coke anyway. plus, she bought us paper hats and her ketchup happy face was superb.

i ordered the route 66, a patty with swiss cheese, grilled mushrooms, and grilled onions. it was actually pretty good. the beef was a bit dry, but the overall effect of the sandwich was satisfying. i can almost imagine being in a convertible cadillac cruising along with the wind in my hair. not really, but the burger rates a 4/6. plus, the classic chrome plated atmosphere is kind of fun.

cinema in the city

in case no one has picked up on this, i am quite obsessed with classic movies. therefore, i was ecstatic to be able to attend the final installment of mt. adams cinema in the city at the seasongood pavilion this past friday. one of my all time favorites, the philadelphia story, was being shown. this is NOT to be confused with philadelphia, that tom hanks AIDS movie. the philadelphia story stars katharine hepburn, cary grant, and jimmy stewart. it was released in 1940, when hollywood made movies that relied on dialogue and character development rather than special effects (transformers: revenge of the fallen, i'm talking to you). it's clever and wonderful.

but i digress. cinema in the city was honestly one of my favorite nights out in quite a while. even the weather cooperated. coolers are welcome, which we didn't realize until we got there. there were theater candies, popcorn, and delicious offerings from the rookwood for sale. the rookwood has replaced porkopolis in the old rookwood pottery space, thank god. they had burgers, kroeger and sons metts and brats, fresh lemonade with mint, and jeni's ice cream.

i had to try the burger. i ordered it loaded with everything (except grilled peppers) - white cheddar, mushrooms, grilled onions, and bacon. though a little small on patty size (maybe it was smaller for the venue?), it was packed with juicy flavor. i don't remember being particularly wowed by the bun, which is strange because the rookwood emphasizes their artisan breads. no matter. overall a quality burger experience (5/6).

dessert was jeni's bourbon butter pecan. i don't really care for bourbon, but if it tasted like this, i would drink it all the time. i decided to get it because the guy at the rookwood booth said it was the best. the ice cream was divine - smooth, creamy, bourbony. maybe could have used a few more pecans, but that's just me nitpicking. completely refreshing on a summer night.elisa and randy enjoyed the glow necklaces provided free by cincinnati bell. yeah, i enjoyed the glow necklaces, too.we all thoroughly enjoyed seeing a classic on the big screen.

the holy grail

once upon a time, jknepfle charged me with the task of seeking the holy grail, promising me the rewards would be rich should i succeed at this quest. legend tells of the holy grail being nestled deep in a valley in the land of delhi. my first attempt failed miserably, as the way was shut and the chamber dark and empty. my second endeavor proved worthy, and banners ceremoniously welcomed me, proclaiming my triumph.
the cavern was lit with the light of glowing crests and keno screens. as was bespoken, the bounty was indeed plentiful. i was served twisted pretzels with a glorious, golden sauce, slightly spicy and a perfect complement.
illustrious paul goebel created reuben wontons, full to the brim with corned beef, sauerkraut, swiss cheese, and the dressing of a thousand islands. i found the combination gratifying, although my companion brian did not find it so.also presented was an incontrovertibly succulent beef patty cloaked in bleu cheese, garnering a 5/6 on the gradation governing all burgers in the kingdom. the accompanying barbeque sauce was neglected as it did not captivate the palate.a brew bubbling with blueberries was brought to me. it was overly sacchariferous and not the divine drink i remembered from my youth in the countryside of clifton. perhaps my youth or intoxication had rendered me indiscriminate.

bison burgers

i headed north to columbus last weekend for a conference. i have one rule when eating out in another city: it can't be anywhere that i can eat in cincinnati. ted's montana grill fit this requirement and promised bison burgers.

ted's (founded by ted turner) is interesting because it is very eco-friendly, you know, for a chain restaurant that serves burgers and chicken fried chicken. the straws are made of paperboard. the toilets flush two ways; up for liquid and down for...you get the picture. they are 99% plastic free. that's admirable.

the ambiance in the restaurant is great. dark wood paneling. big bar. very masculine, but not oppressive. bowls of pickles on each table.

we all ordered bison burgers, which are served up 25 different ways and all are presented with an american flag stuck in the top (obviously removed pre-photo).

the burgers were a good size and full of EXCELLENT flavor. not at all greasy. mine had bleu cheese, mushrooms, and bacon, which i paired with rancho zabaco dancing bull zinfandel. (seemed appropriate.) the bun held up well to the giant burger. the fries were also amazing. fresh cut and not overly oiled or overly browned. this is kind of blasphemous, but i think i like them better than terry's turf club. shh...they may revoke my cincinnati blogging privileges.

for dessert we shared the strawberry shortcake, which i easily could have eaten all by myself. the shortcake was real shortcake, not that spongy crap kroger's tries to pass off as shortcake. the berries and syrup were fresh and not too sweet. i think the server mentioned they were organic strawberries and never frozen. a perfect ending.*must give props: all photos are the handiwork of my fellow pharmacy student andy, who kindly humored my blogging habit. thanks, andy.

just wow.

we finally made the trek down columbia parkway to terry's turf club to see what all the buzz is about. wow. i get the buzz.

brian and i arrived first (a rarity, i assure you) and put our name in. luckily we only had to wait about a half hour for a table; let me assure you that in the years that i have been friends with them i can think of MAYBE one other time that this has occurred. its nice to not have to wait. a party of four arriving shortly after us had still not been seated by the time we finished eating. we stood outside to wait. they had heaters and peanuts, so what more could we ask for?

i don't know exactly what i was picturing. for some reason "turf club" evoked flattened green carpet, dark wood paneling seasoned with grease and smoke, and dusty plastic ferns. i don't know what i had in mind either. what we found instead was a wonderland of color and light. the first 15 minutes we were sitting down, we were all gazing around, entranced by the neon glow. beth kept saying "i can't stop looking". i can say that i spent a good part of the evening not socializing with my friends but staring at the walls.

the place is tiny. and it was PACKED. beth commented that if there was a fire, we would all die. what can i say??? its the survialist in my and i like to know where all my exits are.

the menu is deceptively simple and straightforward. meats, toppings, sauces. but as i began to consider what i was going to order, i realized the combinations were endless and all equally tantalizing. bleu cheese or goat cheese? bacon? grilled onions? crab meat? burgundy sauce?

i decided on the burger with bleu cheese, bacon, light onions, and burgundy sauce with mushrooms. all the burgers, especially when they are busy, are cooked medium. beth ordered hers on the rare side, but i'm not sure if it was any different than the rest. i honestly can't say that i saw a difference between the rest BUT that doesn't mean it wasn't cooked to perfection. again, met me say WOW.

while we waited we drank so beer. they have chimay blue on the menu. internalized happy dance ensued.

here is what arrived.oh my god. i had no idea such perfection could be served on a dixie plate. the bun, the meat, the fries, everything was amazing. things were falling out of the bun it was packed so full. i love a hamburger that is not smaller than the bread it's on. juicy but not greasy, flavorful but not heavy. i don't know how they do it. (i suspect butter, maybe heroin) the fries were also heavenly. i have kind of stopped eating fries (don't need the extra calories), but i could have eaten twice as many of these. they were kind of like penn station fries, only way better. when fries taste that wonderful you can't help but eat every single one of them. any hopes of "eating well" is thrown out the window and you can only just savor every bite. every single on my plate was wonderful.

my only complaint is that it was over too soon. i wanted to keep eating. and let me note that had they placed more food on my plate i would have eaten all of that as well.

here is brian's. he said it was fantastic and seriously considered ordering another one. he wants to go back next week and is also willing to drive the excessive distance for carry-out (not excessive to eat in, but excessive to carry-out). he is addicted.

this first burger is mine. i went for a simplier option. just bleu cheese........eric had a variation of what krissy had which is below mine. goat cheese, mushroom sauce and grilled onions. oh and bacon.all in all, i would agree with wine me, dine me and get in mah belly. terry's has one damn good burger. it is the first burger to rate a 6...yes, that's right, divine bovine. additionally, beth and i both unthinkingly wore cream and neither of us got anything on ourselves. good things happen at terry's! it truly was a night of miracles; here's a quick recap -- they were EARLY, food was WONDERFUL and no MESS!

our service was also great, considering how crowded it was. the bathroom, however...

next up on the search for the perfect burger - quatman's.

blondie's

beth, eric, brian and i met up at blondie's saturday.

my first question was, is this menu copyright infringement?
let's assume not.

luckily, there was no live music. in the past, conversation has been rendered impossible by an acoustic singer/songwriter type outfitted with an excessively loud microphone.

i think this place caters to a different crowd later in the evening so it was pretty quiet when we were there. yet another sign that i'm aging here is that i like to go places early and it to be quiet.......

we got our server to find the texas game on one of the tvs, and bonus...buckets of miller lite are $10 on saturday nights. score!

i want to say that the last time we were all there they had very affordable other drinks as well. i wouldn't go expecting a wine list.

our appetizer was the greek dip, a refreshing combination of feta, tomatoes, cucumbers, and onions. fried pita was the perfect dipper. look at that grease soaking into the wax paper!

the four of us have actually ordered this a few times and each time its a bit different but always tasty. the fried pita is the usual constant.

for dinner i choose the mushroom and swiss burger with a side of onion rings. onion rings are not the usual accompaniment for me, but these were good and hit the spot. there was minimal sliding of a slippery onion out of its fried skin. my burger had the promised mushroom and swiss, plus some gravy. the meat itself was a bit dry, but tasty. overall, the sandwich rates a 4. not exciting, but not entirely bland either. i'm also a sucker for mushrooms. and cheese. glorious cheese. i had slight food envy when i caught a glimpse of beth's gyro. the gyro was quite good. this isn't a place where you would expect to find a tasty gyro. it had a nice amount of feta cheese, olives (which i don't really prefer, but they are easy to pick off) tomatoes, lettuce and cucumbers. the sauce was on the side. it was a good sized gyro too. meat was tender and sliced nice and thin. i would order this again.

overall, this was one of the cheapest nights out we've had in awhile. the bar wasn't too crowded, so we had great service and the buckets of beer kept coming.

blondies is located on northbend in monfort heights across the street from the krogers. i remember year ago this place used to be a fantastic sam's where i got my hair cut.

that's sumburger!

this week in chillicothe, i visited the hopewell culture national historic park, which contains reconstructions and one original burial mound of the hopewell indians. most of the original mounds were destroyed when camp sherman was built. it is an interesting little park, hidden by trees and nestled among correctional institutions. very peaceful.

my other historic visit was to sumburger, a drive-in operational since 1953. we opted to eat inside rather than do the drive-in thing. civics are not well equipped for supporting trays and establishing a comfortable eating environment. plus, they don't rollerskate anymore because of the liability, so it's not quite as much fun.




the very unique thing about sumburger is that inside, you use the phone at the table to order. it's a strange situation to be sitting in a booth and calling the kitchen.


they have a variety of sandwiches, but of course, i was there for the sumburger. available are a double sumburger, regular, and a junior. as a platter, there are two choices of sides, which are mostly the standard cole slaw, fries, etc, but they also offer fried mushrooms with a side of ranch dressing. i opted for the regular sumburger with fries and mushrooms. i also ordered a root beer, which is unusual for me because i rarely drink pop. this root beer turned out to be extra fabulous however, because it had the ice that's shaped like little cylinders with ridges, you know, that looks like it's been pushed out of a pasta maker? those tiny cans of coldness are the perfect complement to fountain drinks; they keep the pop really cold and make a satisfying swoshing crunch when i pump my straw up and down. the food arrived and the portions were huge. see that mountain of mushrooms in the photo? that's the amount considered a SIDE. stacy, who was eating with me and is from chilli, commented that all the meals are huge around there. apparently, when the olive garden opened in town, people complained that the portions were too small. the sumburger special sauce is somewhere between tartar sauce and thousand island dressing. it's kind of sweet. actually, the burger reminded me a lot of a big boy, only with a bun disproportionately larger than the beef. it was good though. i would rate it a 4 on the burger rating scale. it gets major points for the unique atmosphere.

even though i was way stuffed, i had to try a piece of the strawberry pie with whipped cream. dessert goes to a different place, afterall. the pie had delicious whole strawberries, but i would have to say the filling was a little too sweet for me. i just couldn't finish.

we ate it, might as well rate it

one particularly blistering sunday afternoon brian and i left the reds game early. they were losing, sweat was pooling under my sunglasses as well as everywhere else, and we were hungry. so even though it breaks burger rule number 1, this is a review of rock bottom brewery's burgers.

first, we shared an appetizer, the asiago cheese dip with beer bread. i have always enjoyed consuming the hundreds of calories this starter provides.

on to the main event - brian had just a plain cheeseburger (not pictured) and i had the bourbonzola burger, blossoming with fried onions, gorgonzola cheese, and jim beam bbq sauce. this is far from the realm of things i would normally order, but it just sounded good. add about another thousand calories to the running total.
like i said, normally i would not order anything with bbq sauce, but this was actually pretty good. sweet and tangy sauce, flavorful cheese. an overall satisfying combination of flavors. brian said his burger didn't have much taste as a sandwich, even though the meat itself was good. the bun was unusual; very starchy and dense. this was both a pro and a con, as it stood up well to the burger and didn't disintegrate as some buns are wont to do, but it was very filling. we averaged our rating out to be a 3.5. acceptable, and will do in a burger-craving pinch.